Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
