oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
