You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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