I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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