Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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