She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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