also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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