i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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