Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
ttyl tear gas
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
