she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
