she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize