So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
