Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
