Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
