i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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