Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
