I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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