i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
