you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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