Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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