so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
