your parents love me but you hate me
He kissed a someone with a penis
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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