dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
