So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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