This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
