even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
