I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
