I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
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