I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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