Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
