Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Boobs speak an international language.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
