Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
