You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
