I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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