Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I feel great
I just peed on a car
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
