I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
