if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
