Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
