she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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