remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
