I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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