whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
