have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
