If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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