i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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