The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
