I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You were trust falling into bushes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
