I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
