I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
