your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
