Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
and you fell through a lawn chair
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
