oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
