I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
