just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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