Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
