My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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