i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
