That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
