I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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