Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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