Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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