Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
