I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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