one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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