forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
