Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
