I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
