dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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