good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
