You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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